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Friday, July 4, 2008


I have been thinking about stability lately.
And this reminds me of one of the pillars that keeps and has kept great organizations intact, relevant, strong, untouched by time. The book I read was about the Benedictine order and its rule. Time and time again, the book stressed on stability and how the organization maintains that stability, how the monks living by the rule of Benedict promotes and guarantees stability within the order.
This bring me on to the question on what friendship and marriage is. Why the church stress on marriage and in fact elevates marriage to the honour of the altar, to call marriage a sacrament. And how we hope that friendships last, that friendships are true, that we be able to trust the people around us that we call friends. I realised that we mortals, each and everyone of us expect the best out of others. We expect others to be a true friend to us. But do we become the friend we want others to be?
The church teaches that marriage is instituted by God and promotes marriage between one man and one women. The church also teaches that marriage constitutes of one man and one women as it is dictated by the laws of nature. In addition to that, the church believes that marriage is indisoluable, therefore divorce is not permitable. I believe that the reason behind this, be it marriage comes from God or not, is that the institution, provides stability.
I believe that friendship provides, to a certain extent, stability.
The book that I read, the example given was the marine and the military. And the training they undergo is vigorous and the only thing that they can count on is on one another. The phrase 'never leave a man behind' should bring a ringing in your head right now. Anyway, it is this dependence that provides stability.
However, in this modern world, the importance of marriage has been disregarded. The government found a way to do away with marriage, thus introducing divorce. Friendship has not much value as more and more people are "self reliant" and friendship only comes in after self importance.
I don't think I believe in the stability marriage provides anymore. I don't think friendships are built to last. And for this reason, I think, my desire is NOT marriage. I don't look forward to it. My family, my ENTIRE CATHOLIC family, knows the possibility of me not getting married. But they don't know the reason behind it. They still think that I might join the priesthood. I dont know, maybe I wont, maybe I will but at this moment in time, my stand is that I wont marry and will not join the priesthood, because marriage does not, in my opinion provide the stability that I want while the priesthood is not my vocation.
Disclaimer: no one was hurt during the composition of this thought. This composition is in no way an endorsement of a lifestyle, not the official teachings of the Roman Catholic faith, and free from any political, religious, scientific point of view. I left out few thoughts here so that I do not offend, be biased, or present any religious or political point of view that would jeopardize myself as a Roman Catholic,Christian.

A peek into the last quarter of my holidays

So here I am once again pouring out my thoughts, experiences and things that I did in the past weeks.
I was in USM for Natcon from the 20th till the 26th June 2008, skipping my cousins wedding. All in all, the convention was great. I managed to learn many things, of which I forgot a huge part of it ^^ and also managed to make many new friends. Forgive me if I still can't remember your name >.<
Next stop was Cameron Highlands on the 30th June 2008. The journey itself was tiring, however, sweet memories prevailed. Mandy, Eunice, Raam and I managed to meet great, humble, sweet and nice people in Cameron. There was the Indian guy that worked at the strawberry farm, there was this nice Malay lady working at the vegetable market, and this group of Thailand citizen that gave us a lift from the vegetable market to Tanah Rata bus station. They also gave us "Cameron apples" ... lolz ... Our journey was humbling, thoughtful and serene.
Holiday is ending and 'depression' and fear is kicking in. I have yet to settle my time table as I have some jugling of classes to do. I pray and I hope that I will have to strength and enthusiasm to drive change in my life.
As for my personal life, my lil bro (vince) came over to my house on Wednesday(2/7/08) to get the form 6 books from me. He has decided to leave Taylors (TUC) and chosed the form 6 path instead.
Worrying that I do not fulfill my 'promise' to my junior in form 6 - that I will find the time to visit and try to spend some time- on Thursday I showed up at my alma mater, Malacca High School, to spend meet my junior and my bro. I was happy to see them and also to see many familiar faces there. (I dont see any familiar faces in SFI anymore) I also managed to spend some time with both Vince and Chun Yian, but not quality time I would say.
Many things has happen during this past 2 months of holiday. I rested, I worked, I spoilt my biological clock and many more... Some things has taught me more than the other but at this very moment, I cannot recall.
But what is going through my mind at this moment is how to mend things up with my bro, Vince. Brothers argue and give cold treatments to one another. Thats normal. But this time I am in the wrong. So, I'm sorry.