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Wednesday, June 16, 2010


A sudden rush of sadness and pain just ran through my earthly body. Why do I allow myself to be inflicted with such pain?

I strive to be someone. Not just anyone, but someone. Someone in the eyes of my beloved.

I am possessive. I know I am. I try my best to let go. I've been doing that, for a while now. Only the Lord knows how I struggle. No words can express the pain I inflict upon myself. Not physical pain but one that strikes the heart. A sword piercing through the very soul of my inner being. I am ..... I am... I just am. I cry from within. My soul cries with me. At times, I remind myself that I'm a traveler on this very earth, I am on a journey Home. I am in this world, but not of the world.

It hit me one morning a few days back as I stood in the showers. That nothing is constant in this world. Therefore, why am I still relying on things of this world for only He is constant. Yet I question, even the saints feel His silence.

I have much to say... or do I? For I fall short of words as the soul feels deeply.

Unrelated to this, I am tired with some people at work, at their attitude. I am glad that in a couple of weeks, I'm washing my hands. Not important to me to feel sad about. Not worth my time.

I am reminded that life is not easy. If it was, I am on the wrong side of the road.

To feel is to be human.

To sin is human, to forgive divine.

Let all nations prostrate before You, O Lord. May I learn to magnify Your name and make that my sole purpose. Help me with what goes on within, and may I not fall for Satan's suggestions.


choulyin.tan said...

*hugs* :) I know you know that I know what you're going through :) and if anything, you know where to find me ^^